Sound the trumpet, blare the horns, it's time for another pure, uncut dose of Velocity Comics news. Be careful, though, Velocity Comics news has been linked to heart disease and tooth loss in lab rats.

But it should be mentioned, those rats were death row inmates, so they had it coming. Even Laura Stangle, CEO of PETA, said that deserved what they got.

As you read this, millions of disenfranchised youngsters are gathered together in San Diego, voicing the secret dreams and desperate needs of a generation in one voice so loud that the powers-that-be have NO CHOICE but to listen. And what does that voice call for? What howl carries through the night sky and reverberates through the hearts and souls of every man, woman, and child that it touches?

Bad news…

VELOCITY COMICS! We've got an all new CHEAT SHEET waiting for your perusal! AND, since this is the CHEAT SHEET that coincides with THE DC RELAUNCH, there are 2 separate sheets this time. Does that make this the most important CHEAT SHEET of all time?

YES, IT DOES.

Hello everyone, and happy NATIONAL FEDERAL CREDIT UNION DAY! Yes, it's that one day of the year that we take the time out to celebrate President Roosevelt's decision in 1934 to sign the Federal Credit Union act. Gosh, I can't believe an entire year has past since the last one. My arms still haven't totally healed from last years festivities, when I was lucky enough to be chosen for the ceremonial blood letting.

It's time for a VELOCITY COMICS TRIVIA CONTEST! Yeah, that's right, that's what we're doing. Answer the following questions correctly by the deadline and YOU could be WINNER!

1. What is your home address?
2. Around what time do you normally go to sleep?
3. Do you keep any of the following items in your home: Cash? Firearms? Jewelry?
4. Do you have a dog?
5. How many points of entry are there into your home?
6. Are you prepared to be cleansed in the blood of the lamb?

Get all 6 correct and you might win a large, one of a kind prize. ENTER OFTEN!

It's strange to be working on this newsletter right now, what with the news today--right now playing on the television across from where I sit, the same story playing on every channel, reporters using words like 'planetary killer' and 'extinction level event'--if they're right, you might not ever get a chance to read this. If they're right, our entire civilization will be wiped away before I can even hit send. It's odd. I can look out the window and the sun is shining.

First off this week--the following message was found carved into my front door this morning:

IMPORTANT! Hey folks, starting this week VCU is hosting high school graduations at the Siegel Center. From years past you might remember that this causes some traffic and parking hiccups along Broad Street. What's important for you to know is that we still NEED AND LOVE YOUR BUSINESS. Especially in the summer months when VCU is out. There are several alternate ways to get to us, please consider them: