Hey everyone, it's time for your post-game Velocity Comics rundown. While many commentators will tell you that the highlights of the game tonight involved interceptions and 1st downs, I have undertaken a complete analysis of the action and discovered that the real stars of the show were the fans. Specifically, the electric fans in the dressing rooms--keeping the players cool during half-time, but not too cool. We wouldn't want our titans getting sick, would we? And what about that halftime show! I mean really, what about it?

Hello everyone. I suppose you're expecting me to come out and share some news with you now, aren't you? Some Velocity Comics news. Yeah, I know you are. But let me ask you: when's the last time you told me what was happening with you? Never? That's what I thought. See, this is what they call a one-sided relationship. You take, I give. You take, I give. I suppose I have no one to blame but myself, probably. But you know: it takes two to tango. Think about that.

All right! It's time for some news! The kind of news that gets under your skin and gnaws at the ligaments that hold your bones together, so that when you try walking down the street or something all your parts fall off and leave you a limbless mess, quivering with news and not much else. Which is not to say that the following news will ruin your life! No! This is news that's going to enrich your life in every possible way!

Hello, all...

First off I'd really like to apologize for last week's newsletter. That's the last time I order any newsletter creating software from a one-armed unbathed door-to-door solicitor. He had such gentle, trusting eyes, though… no matter. Moving on, swallow the pain down.

Hello, all--

Happy 2011 to all of you! This one's startin' off with a bang, I predict it will pwn the crud outta 2010.

Hello, all--

I hope you all had a satisfactory (insert holiday celebration of choice here)! It's always special when (insert people you chose to spend time with here) can get together and (insert ritualistic activity here) around the (insert desired space in which to celebrate here).

I have an admission to make, my fine Veloci-fans. There's something that we should have discussed here months ago, but we haven't yet. I suppose that's because I've been afraid-- because I thought that as long as we DIDN'T TALK ABOUT IT, as long as we didn't SAY THE WORDS,then it wouldn't be real, and it couldn't hurt us. But you know, you can't run away from your problems. You have to, like, face them. So let's get to it, let's tackle it right now and just face it together: there are only a few months left before Oprah goes off the air. Whew, just typing that was tough. Really tough.

Hey Veloci-fans! It's time to have some red hot news blasted directly into your brain! Don't let it overflow and ooze out your ears, though...this stuff is too good to miss out on!